i think it’s gonna be a long night - since i didn’t write nearly as much as i would have liked during the day. it’s sort of comforting to know that there are others who will feel my pain and sleep deprivation. i guess misery loves company.
but i already worked out and ate a quick dinner, so i can’t really complain. i better get started.
you know it’s been a bad day for me, when i am eating a donut.
i never eat donuts, and especially not at 6 pm!
some of you might recall, a while ago, i posted some short stories written by CT and MT.
this was how part i ended:
“One day, many moons later, the little girl was still in search of that love that she had first dreamt of. She went about her world looking for it again. She ran into a big, tall tree and asked him if he was her true love. He towered over her and provided shade from the scorching sun. Though the tree had a strong trunk and was always there for her when she needed him, she wondered still, “is this true love? is this enough?”
i was inspired today to continue the story. i stole some part that were written by CT and MT, and added a few lines of my own. i admit- my style does not mesh as well as that of CT and MT. but it will do. plus, it follows a very different story line from the part ii that was previously written, which i think will alleviate some concerns expressed by my friends.
here it is:
“I will remain forever here for you, moving only in my growth to give you more shade,” the big tree assured the little girl.
“But I don’t want to stay around in the same place, I still want to frolic and play,” the little girl responded to the big tree.
“That’s a bit disappointing, but that’s okay, take the time you need and I will give you space and be here when you return,” the big tree said lovingly to the little girl.
The little girl walked around and looked at the other trees and shrubs. One tree was decidely scrawnier, but it had apples. Another tree was puny in height and the little girl bent down to look at its tiny leaves. She then looked back across the garden at her big strong tree, patiently waiting as he’d promised, waving his leaves and branches in the wind as though blowing her kisses.
She pondered and pondered somemore: the big tree is stable and secure. the big tree has been a source of rooted strength for when the little girl needed some propping up and the tree gave her all the help she needed. Not to mention lots of fun. She particular enjoys wrestling with the tree’s many branches and playing hide and seek in them. She pondered it so much that it tired her out and she fell deeply asleep, for a long time.
When she finally woke up, some time had passed. During her hibernation, she realized that what she really wants is a cool tree house. Something that she can play in for a long time to come. A place to give her shelter when she is tired, A place to hide during a thunderstorm, a place to protect her from the giant red moon. She thought of the big tree immediately - went to look for him, and gave him a big hug. She forgot how big the tree really was – she could barely get her arms around its trunk, and can barely see him even when she stands on her tippy –toes. although the tree was elated to see her, he seems somewhat discontent. A discontent big tree is a little scary! The little girl was afraid to say anything, but finally had enough courage to walk up to the tree and made one final demand: “i need a playpen. can i build a tree house here? It’s going to be very intricate and will take a lot of work and time. but i think this is the most perfect location for my tree house. that is, if the space is still available.”
yes, i know. i departed from the “true love” theme but this was the best i could do.
p.s., the big tree smiled, thought about it for a moment, and confirmed that the space is still available. then the little girl made him promise that there would only be room for one tree house, and that she would burn down any other tree house that may pop up.
the little girl asked if the tree would help her build the house, and maybe contribute some twigs of his own. she did say that she would wait until the the branches fall off naturally, because she couldn’t bear with the idea that she would cause the tree any pain. the tree, humored by all her efforts, asked innocently, “i thought you had an axe? why don’t you just use that?” the little girl responded, “oh yeah, it began to rust, and i donated it to the goodwill.”
for a brief moment last night, i doubted my intuitions. luckily, i have had various validations so far (both from female and male perspectives) that i am so certain that i was right.
but right or wrong, the hard part is actually having to deal with the situation. i was advised to not to bring up the topic unless i have a clear cut answer. i think that’s the prudent thing to do - because why dredge up something where i cannot offer closure, of any kind.
i was also reminded that i had complained, not too long ago, that things were “too easy” and there was no “mystery.” up to this point, i never really had to figure anything out. they were always just laid out for me. funny how that has changed and it upsets me more with each hour that passes.
i vow to fix all this - and trust that i can.
my horoscope says “if you have been waiting for someone to come around to your way of thinking — or share more about how they are thinking — this could be the day when all your patience pays off. Someone close to you is ready to open up and get some negotiations going. Take advantage of this as early as you can today and try to get some alone time for the two of you. Initiate the more sensitive topics you’ve been avoiding and you just may be surprised how receptive they are.”
this surely would make sense…
Have you ever felt that something was off when it comes to another person, but you can’t articulate as to exactly what was weird, only that you know something was different from how you normally interact? I always have been really keen about this type of stuff, but I don’t rule out the possibility that I could be wrong. In fact, I’d be happy to realize that I just read too much into a slight deviation from the norm.
But I don’t think so. and it bugs me!
during the last few days, i was able to enjoy lots of social events. thursday i met up with a former colleague for lunch - he recently got his MBA and now has moved into the executive office at HGST. i thought it was a great move for him. he always makes an effort to stay in touch and i should do that same.
that night a group of us had dinner with WA - our monthly get together, although i missed him in july. it’s always so much fun hanging out with him, and even though he has been married for over a year now (he was one of the first of my close friends to get hitched), he hasn’t changed much. mr. big joined us after dinner that night - primarily because i wanted WA to meet him.
friday i went to the city early to meet a friend of JO and talked to her about OCI, over a pitcher of sangria at limon. mr. big patiently sat through an hour of chatter about law firms with us. he is really great about stuff like that. after that, it was hard for me to mad at him for being late. then we went to ramblas to meet CV and her group, including her rommie from grad school who is visiting. i had heard so much about her before so it’s nice to finally meet in person.
after dinner, we went to see BBB in north beach while CV went to a friend’s party. BBB was pretty entertaining, and i think it’s worth seeing once, but not as funny as some of the people in the audience made it out to be. afterwards no one really wanted to stick around and hang out, which was too bad. but for some odd reason, i was pretty tired, even though i hadn’t done anything productive all day.
as we were getting home, mr. big asked me if i were free on saturday for a bbq his friend is having. i hesitated - not because i had other plans, but i didn’t know if i could handle an additional social event, especially with people i don’t realy know. but i accepted anyway - figuring that it wouldn’t take all day and i would have plenty of time to rest up before JS’s bday party.
the bbq was pretty fun, other than the fact that the place was sworming with bees/wasps. i met a bunch of other friends who were also really nice and chatty. we didn’t stay long, as mr.big promised. it was definitely one of those events where an appearance was a must, but staying was not a requirement. i had plenty of time to work out and get cleaned up before the big dinner at kampai house.
the bday girl was late, i was late, and a few others were late as well. but we had lot of drinks and good food to make up for the late start. JS had more drinks than usual - 2, total, i believe. she was getting a bit tipsy, and it ended up being a little more than tipsy, as she spent a good 10 minutes in the bathroom and would not come out. but she wasn’t in terrible shape and was able to hang out even more after dinner. although we took advantage of her drunken state and “drunk-dialed” one of her new guy friends for her.
my last stop of the night was to meet up with MS - we had initially planned on going out, but her out of town friends weren’t feeling up to it. but i made a stop to say hello before i headed home. i was home by 1 am, and still wide awake. so here i am, catching up on the events from the last few days.
one more bbq tomorrow where i must make my appearance, and that should be a wrap for the weekend.
whenever i tak e time off, it’s always for a trip of some sort. finally, i decided to take a few days off, just to do nothing.
it’s so nice to have time off in the middle of the week - running errands is so much easier because there is barely any lines anywhere. and whenever i am tired from running errands or working out or hanging out with friends, i just take a nap. sometimes multiple naps a day. in fact, i just got up from one, because i am getting ready for my dinner/fun plans for the rest of the evening.
of course my nap would have been longer if mr. big hadn’t called to tell me that he was coming by in 45 minutes, but now 30 minutes later. i am pretty annoyed about that. i am pretty annoyed about his tardiness overall. i think it shows a lack of respect of other people’s time. and the worst part, he always calls when he is already late, so basically the call doesn’t alleviate the problem of me sitting around waiting.
on the way to lunch, i briefly summarized the story re: HH to a coworker friend. at the end of the two-minute summary, i said that as hard as it was, and still is sometimes, i never doubted that i made the right call, because that whole “not ready” thing was not an issue that could be resolved simply with time.
my friend said, “without knowing more details, i am almost certain that you made the right decision.”
since we have been playing outdoor grass vball on monday nights, i have gotten increasingly more annoyed at some of the people who come to play. initially, this started out as an alternative to a hot gym at 7 pm for just the altera teams and other friends who may want to play competitively. somehow the evite list grew to 60 people, most of whom i don’t even know. while it’s always nice to play with new people, once in a while i encounter one or two that get on my nerves. badly! (ha, imagine that!)
anyway, the latest annoyance comes from a guy that who seems to be friends with some of my friends, so i have refrained from vocalizing my dislike, no, actually, hatred, for him. yesterday, we ended up on the same team. it was not pretty. he talks too much, and in particular, talks too much smack. but has very little skills to back it up. and doesn’t even try that hard. i was furious - but i remained very quiet on the court, and refused to ever look at or speak to him the entire time. i knew if i allowed myself to say anything at all, all hell would break loose, and someone would probably have to restrain me. (mr. big happened to be playing against my team, so it would probably have to be him).
luckily, after that game, we re-arranged all the teams and i no longer had to deal with him on my court. i don’t mind playing against him so much - i don’t mind making him look bad at all!
one more week, and we go back to indoors. thank goodness.